Wednesday, June 22, 2011
June 22, 2011
The countdown has begun..... Fri. July 8, 2011, I am having surgery to remove the hernia repair mesh. From an anxiety standpoint, I am glad that it is happening so soon, however, I have at least 4 weeks worth of things to get done between now and then. I hope that the time will go quickly, and that life can get back to some kind of normal soon.
Monday, June 20, 2011
June 20, 2011
Here it is, the longest day of the year.... Time goes by in a blur.
I have decided that the abdominal mesh, that was installed to fix my hernia, must be removed. My body, that didn’t mind cancer setting up shop in my bladder, is continuing to fight a winning battle against the mesh that is holding me together. Misplaced priorities for sure.
My conversation with the surgeon gave me no new information, but did re-enforce what I already knew. (I had spent much time reading the accounts of people with the same problem)
Without the mesh, there is a danger of another hernia. For those of you that don’t know, a hernia is a separation of the body wall/muscle. This condition causes your internal organs to push out due to gravity, or under any strain on the abdominal muscles.
This is bad enough for someone with normal plumbing, but ads an extra degree of difficulty for someone like me. First, my bladder is not a muscle, and urination is only possible by contraction of the abdominal muscles... picture the effort required to overcome moderate constipation. Second, my bladder does not shrink like a balloon as urine is voided, it just deflates like an empty plastic bag.
For these reasons, it is necessary for my abdominal muscles to work properly, and for my abdominal organs to remain carefully contained in proper order. If my neo-bladder becomes displaced or distended, it could mean a lifetime of catheters, or worse.
The punch line to all of this is..... after the removal of the mesh, there is no way to gauge the amount of strain that my abdominal muscles will stand with out another rupture. It will be OK until it isn’t, and.... there is no good fix if there is another hernia.....
I guess that I have been a bit spoiled in my expectations, It is hard to believe that they could fix the deadly cancer that was trying to kill me, and are now stumped with a little problem of a hernia.
I have had trouble with authority my whole life. I was never OK with someone telling me “NO”. Now, my body is in charge of what I can do, and what I can’t do. There is no way to run away from this strict master.
The bad part of this is obvious..... the good part is that I am currently cancer free, and still here to bitch about things that are less than perfect.
I have decided that the abdominal mesh, that was installed to fix my hernia, must be removed. My body, that didn’t mind cancer setting up shop in my bladder, is continuing to fight a winning battle against the mesh that is holding me together. Misplaced priorities for sure.
My conversation with the surgeon gave me no new information, but did re-enforce what I already knew. (I had spent much time reading the accounts of people with the same problem)
Without the mesh, there is a danger of another hernia. For those of you that don’t know, a hernia is a separation of the body wall/muscle. This condition causes your internal organs to push out due to gravity, or under any strain on the abdominal muscles.
This is bad enough for someone with normal plumbing, but ads an extra degree of difficulty for someone like me. First, my bladder is not a muscle, and urination is only possible by contraction of the abdominal muscles... picture the effort required to overcome moderate constipation. Second, my bladder does not shrink like a balloon as urine is voided, it just deflates like an empty plastic bag.
For these reasons, it is necessary for my abdominal muscles to work properly, and for my abdominal organs to remain carefully contained in proper order. If my neo-bladder becomes displaced or distended, it could mean a lifetime of catheters, or worse.
The punch line to all of this is..... after the removal of the mesh, there is no way to gauge the amount of strain that my abdominal muscles will stand with out another rupture. It will be OK until it isn’t, and.... there is no good fix if there is another hernia.....
I guess that I have been a bit spoiled in my expectations, It is hard to believe that they could fix the deadly cancer that was trying to kill me, and are now stumped with a little problem of a hernia.
I have had trouble with authority my whole life. I was never OK with someone telling me “NO”. Now, my body is in charge of what I can do, and what I can’t do. There is no way to run away from this strict master.
The bad part of this is obvious..... the good part is that I am currently cancer free, and still here to bitch about things that are less than perfect.
Friday, April 29, 2011
April 29, 2011
Ok, It has been too long since I posted here. I try to wait until I feel good to post..... lets just say that I just couldn’t manage to get it done.
I got my drain out a few days before leaving for my annual trip to Pa, to visit my family. I had high hopes of being healed, and able to return to some kind of normal life, but, was disappointed again.
It seems that my body will not accept the repair mesh, and has continued to flood the area with liquid. In this incarnation, the liquid has been encapsulate, and has formed a firm, hand size bulge at the site of the original operation. (Certainly not the place that I would choose to add a couple of inches.) There are pockets of liquid in the area surrounding the bulge. In addition, I have lost feeling in the affected area.
All of that is bearable, and possibly livable. The main problem is..... when I do any lifting, or repetitive movement, the edge of the mesh begins to detach, and causes pain. The more that I do, the more pain I get.
The doctor says that there are two options: learn to live with it, or have the mesh removed. If the mesh is removed, there is always the possibility of another hernia in the now weak abdominal muscle.
Neither of these appeal to me. I can hardly imagine life with such limited activity, and the pain is sometimes not manageable without narcotics. Another operation seems equally untenable, especially one that could result in ongoing problems.
I know that “it could be worse”, and that “am lucky to be alive”, etc. I know that there are people with bigger problems than mine, and that I should learn to accept things as they are. I try to keep things in perspective, but am not having much luck lately.
I feel a bit selfish going on and on about my troubles..... My father passed away at the end of March, and my mom is now without her husband of 62 years.
I am sorry for the dreary post, but hope to do better next time.
I got my drain out a few days before leaving for my annual trip to Pa, to visit my family. I had high hopes of being healed, and able to return to some kind of normal life, but, was disappointed again.
It seems that my body will not accept the repair mesh, and has continued to flood the area with liquid. In this incarnation, the liquid has been encapsulate, and has formed a firm, hand size bulge at the site of the original operation. (Certainly not the place that I would choose to add a couple of inches.) There are pockets of liquid in the area surrounding the bulge. In addition, I have lost feeling in the affected area.
All of that is bearable, and possibly livable. The main problem is..... when I do any lifting, or repetitive movement, the edge of the mesh begins to detach, and causes pain. The more that I do, the more pain I get.
The doctor says that there are two options: learn to live with it, or have the mesh removed. If the mesh is removed, there is always the possibility of another hernia in the now weak abdominal muscle.
Neither of these appeal to me. I can hardly imagine life with such limited activity, and the pain is sometimes not manageable without narcotics. Another operation seems equally untenable, especially one that could result in ongoing problems.
I know that “it could be worse”, and that “am lucky to be alive”, etc. I know that there are people with bigger problems than mine, and that I should learn to accept things as they are. I try to keep things in perspective, but am not having much luck lately.
I feel a bit selfish going on and on about my troubles..... My father passed away at the end of March, and my mom is now without her husband of 62 years.
I am sorry for the dreary post, but hope to do better next time.
Friday, March 4, 2011
March 4, 2011
The drain is gone.... Woo Hoo..... I tried to pull the miserable thing out, but gave up because of the pain, and for fear of doing serious damage. It felt like the thing was wrapped around some important body part, and I didn’t know what I would do if I managed to yank my spleen out.
My doctor is in the heart of Los Angeles, about 80 miles away, much of it in heavy traffic. When I got there, I was told that the doc. had just gone into surgery, and would be there for some time....
Some delay earlier in the day causing traffic to back up in the OR. I could wait for a few hours, or reschedule. Neither being a good option, I decided to wait, but threatened to throw the drain bulb into an elevator and push the button.
Eventually nurse Jacky (her real name, and a really nice lady) came out and told me that the doc. said for her to remove the drain, and so she did. The trick is.... don’t stop pulling when it hurts... LOL
It turns out that the inside part of the apparatus is larger than the outside part. The skin and abdominal wall grow tightly around the tube, making it difficult to remove.
I am very happy to be drain free, although it will take a while to get used to it. I still reach for it when I get into the car, or roll over in bed. I guess that it became like an extra appendage.
I am leaving Monday for 9 days in Pa. visiting my family, so, for once, the timing was perfect.
My doctor is in the heart of Los Angeles, about 80 miles away, much of it in heavy traffic. When I got there, I was told that the doc. had just gone into surgery, and would be there for some time....
Some delay earlier in the day causing traffic to back up in the OR. I could wait for a few hours, or reschedule. Neither being a good option, I decided to wait, but threatened to throw the drain bulb into an elevator and push the button.
Eventually nurse Jacky (her real name, and a really nice lady) came out and told me that the doc. said for her to remove the drain, and so she did. The trick is.... don’t stop pulling when it hurts... LOL
It turns out that the inside part of the apparatus is larger than the outside part. The skin and abdominal wall grow tightly around the tube, making it difficult to remove.
I am very happy to be drain free, although it will take a while to get used to it. I still reach for it when I get into the car, or roll over in bed. I guess that it became like an extra appendage.
I am leaving Monday for 9 days in Pa. visiting my family, so, for once, the timing was perfect.
Monday, February 14, 2011
February 14, 2011
Well.... The bad news..... I still have the drain coming out of my belly, and it is still acting as a short leash. Where the tube enters is an open wound after all, and dressings need to be changed twice daily along with medications to prevent microscopic creatures from mounting a successful attack. I am still on restricted activity, and need to stay close to my doctor.
The good news...... I am becoming an expert on the operation and maintenance of a JP drain. However, I am fairly sure that this new skill will not land me a high paying job in the health care industry.
The rant that follows is probably more than anyone wants to know about this particular subject, but it is all that I have to report. I am not complaining, but it is an example of some of the disruptive issues that follow a major surgery.... Not life threatening, but quietly overwhelms your plans and cannot be ignored.
This drain is a result of a surgery to repair a problem caused by a surgery to repair a hernia that was caused by my cancer surgery in Oct. 2009.
The drain was originally due to come out 2 weeks after surgery, giving my body a second chance to heal around the mesh that is holding me together. The drain is supposed to prevent a build up of fluid, which, if allowed, prevents the layers of my belly from healing together. Apparently my body still thinks that “mesh” is a foreign object, and is still flooding the area with fluid.
The key, it seems, is the amount of fluid produced. Apparently, the drain tube itself is an irritant, and causes some fluid to be produced. The doc says that we remove the drain when the fluid output is reduced to 30 ml per day. Currently, I am producing between 40 and 50 ml per day, down from 50 to 70 ml per day 3 weeks ago.
At first, the drain tube was stitched into place with a fairly heavy duty thread. My body was trying to expel the foreign object, but the stitch held fast. At about the 3 week mark, the thread deteriorated and let go. I managed to keep the tube in place with careful use of various tapes. The trick, I found is to find a tape that holds, but does not remove skin when removed.... It is a delicate balance to say the least.
For those of you still reading.... there is a punch line ahead.
My plan, now that we are into a new year of deductibles, was to wait for the proper time, pull the drain out, declare that it happened while sleeping, and save myself the cost an office visit.
While working on a clog, (a fairly common problem) I was trying to work the tube in and out a bit to help clear it, but it wouldn’t budge. I discovered that my body, though it seems to repel necessary repair mesh, has embraced the drain tube, and has become one with the tube. It just keeps getting better and better.
I have a call in to the doctor regarding this latest development.
The good news...... I am becoming an expert on the operation and maintenance of a JP drain. However, I am fairly sure that this new skill will not land me a high paying job in the health care industry.
The rant that follows is probably more than anyone wants to know about this particular subject, but it is all that I have to report. I am not complaining, but it is an example of some of the disruptive issues that follow a major surgery.... Not life threatening, but quietly overwhelms your plans and cannot be ignored.
This drain is a result of a surgery to repair a problem caused by a surgery to repair a hernia that was caused by my cancer surgery in Oct. 2009.
The drain was originally due to come out 2 weeks after surgery, giving my body a second chance to heal around the mesh that is holding me together. The drain is supposed to prevent a build up of fluid, which, if allowed, prevents the layers of my belly from healing together. Apparently my body still thinks that “mesh” is a foreign object, and is still flooding the area with fluid.
The key, it seems, is the amount of fluid produced. Apparently, the drain tube itself is an irritant, and causes some fluid to be produced. The doc says that we remove the drain when the fluid output is reduced to 30 ml per day. Currently, I am producing between 40 and 50 ml per day, down from 50 to 70 ml per day 3 weeks ago.
At first, the drain tube was stitched into place with a fairly heavy duty thread. My body was trying to expel the foreign object, but the stitch held fast. At about the 3 week mark, the thread deteriorated and let go. I managed to keep the tube in place with careful use of various tapes. The trick, I found is to find a tape that holds, but does not remove skin when removed.... It is a delicate balance to say the least.
For those of you still reading.... there is a punch line ahead.
My plan, now that we are into a new year of deductibles, was to wait for the proper time, pull the drain out, declare that it happened while sleeping, and save myself the cost an office visit.
While working on a clog, (a fairly common problem) I was trying to work the tube in and out a bit to help clear it, but it wouldn’t budge. I discovered that my body, though it seems to repel necessary repair mesh, has embraced the drain tube, and has become one with the tube. It just keeps getting better and better.
I have a call in to the doctor regarding this latest development.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
January 8, 2011
It has been a little over a week since my latest encounter with the American health care system, and I am beginning to feel a bit better. I have a plastic drain tube coming out of my belly attached to a hand grenade looking collection device. Right now, my belly looks like a child’s first attempt at crayon art. This really is not so bad, as I have never been able to profit by my good looks anyway.
It is a little bit painful, and a lot inconvenient. This drain clogs occasionally, (thank goodness I have a background in plumbing) and adds a degree of difficulty to even the simplest of activities. As you might imagine, mens fashion does not really lend itself to concealing this type of apparatus, which adds to the “shock and awe” in public situations.
Unfortunately, my endurance has been missing in action. For me, this seems to be part of the aftermath of general anesthesia.
These things are just added to the long list of “un-advertized specials” that were not in the “cancer as a hobby” brochure. I am not complaining, just pointing out the situation. I realize that the alternative would be worse, but still have an urge to tell the whole story.... This is, after all, a “trip through illness” blog.
It is still too early to assess the success of the procedure, but I will probably know in another week or so.
All of this, of course, has put a serious crimp in my travel plans for this winter.... not to mention a crimp in my plans to live indoors, and eat something other than pet food. I am now trapped by snow, washed out roads, dr. appointments, artificial body plumbing, and the need to start making money. I am currently unable to move my home, and am feeling a bit claustrophobic and vulnerable..... LOL
The need to create revenue is keeping me awake at night. I have some ideas, and will let you all know as soon as I am brave enough to pull the trigger on a new venture.
Even though there are parts of my situation that are not good, (OK, parts are just bad) my energy seems to be returning. Hopefully, this is the key to getting back on track.
It is a little bit painful, and a lot inconvenient. This drain clogs occasionally, (thank goodness I have a background in plumbing) and adds a degree of difficulty to even the simplest of activities. As you might imagine, mens fashion does not really lend itself to concealing this type of apparatus, which adds to the “shock and awe” in public situations.
Unfortunately, my endurance has been missing in action. For me, this seems to be part of the aftermath of general anesthesia.
These things are just added to the long list of “un-advertized specials” that were not in the “cancer as a hobby” brochure. I am not complaining, just pointing out the situation. I realize that the alternative would be worse, but still have an urge to tell the whole story.... This is, after all, a “trip through illness” blog.
It is still too early to assess the success of the procedure, but I will probably know in another week or so.
All of this, of course, has put a serious crimp in my travel plans for this winter.... not to mention a crimp in my plans to live indoors, and eat something other than pet food. I am now trapped by snow, washed out roads, dr. appointments, artificial body plumbing, and the need to start making money. I am currently unable to move my home, and am feeling a bit claustrophobic and vulnerable..... LOL
The need to create revenue is keeping me awake at night. I have some ideas, and will let you all know as soon as I am brave enough to pull the trigger on a new venture.
Even though there are parts of my situation that are not good, (OK, parts are just bad) my energy seems to be returning. Hopefully, this is the key to getting back on track.
Friday, December 31, 2010
December 31, 2010
Happy New Year you all...... The operation appears to have been a success, and I am currently recovering at Karen's house. I have a drain tube that is scheduled to be removed in 2 weeks. I am still under the influence of narcotic pain meds, and don’t have much energy now. My plan is to do nothing for the next few days.
I am once again thankful for the kindness of my friends.
I am once again thankful for the kindness of my friends.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
December 23, 2010
OK, there is good news and bad news..... the good news, I am going to get my belly fixed on Dec. 29, thus saving a large deductible. The bad news is that I am going to get my belly fixed on Dec. 29, thus being out of commission for the new year celebration.
I am really not feeling chipper right now, so I will keep this short and sweet..... Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to my family, my friends, and all of my faithful readers.
I am really not feeling chipper right now, so I will keep this short and sweet..... Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to my family, my friends, and all of my faithful readers.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
December 4, 2010
The best possible news..... Cancer has not returned...... I just had my yearly check up, and received an “all clear”. I do not have to get my affairs in order, and can continue to live my usual disorderly life. I only wish that I could get an “all clear” on my financial check up as well.
It is an unsettling routine... go once a year, to see if you get to renew your lease on life, or get a 12 month notice to vacate your body. Maybe I should start a “bucket list” anyway.
I also found out that I need to go back into the hospital to get my belly fixed. The layers that were separated to install the mesh to fix my hernia, never properly healed. I now have about a gallon of fluid sloshing around between those layers. It is uncomfortable, and is ruining my normally slim figure.
I am going to try to have this done before the first of the year. Jan. 1, I am into a new year of deductibles..... I save a much needed $5000 if they can fit me in this year. Of course, this means that my plans to vacation in Az this winter may need to be abandoned.
Once again, “staying alive” is interfering with “living life”......
It is an unsettling routine... go once a year, to see if you get to renew your lease on life, or get a 12 month notice to vacate your body. Maybe I should start a “bucket list” anyway.
I also found out that I need to go back into the hospital to get my belly fixed. The layers that were separated to install the mesh to fix my hernia, never properly healed. I now have about a gallon of fluid sloshing around between those layers. It is uncomfortable, and is ruining my normally slim figure.
I am going to try to have this done before the first of the year. Jan. 1, I am into a new year of deductibles..... I save a much needed $5000 if they can fit me in this year. Of course, this means that my plans to vacation in Az this winter may need to be abandoned.
Once again, “staying alive” is interfering with “living life”......
Monday, November 1, 2010
November 1, 2010
Well, it has been quite a while since I posted here. I keep waiting for inspiration, but nothing seems important enough to publish, I guess if I am not traveling or having major medical problems, my life is just boring.
I have just passed my 60th birthday...... officially old. I was gong to say that I don’t feel this old, but that is not really true, I guess it would be more accurate to say that I am surprised to be this old. It seems just yesterday that I was young and tough.... willing and able to do anything. I spent an unusual amount of my time doing dangerous jobs and playing at dangerous hobbies. I had many close calls, some that caused great pain, and some that just made a good story to tell around the campfire. Maybe it is because I have been lucky my whole life, and am surprised when I start to have some of the problems that are expected at this stage of life. I don’t know, maybe everyone feels this way..... however, this is not what I expected.
Another birthday, my neo-bladder is now 1 year old. I am not sure how the time line for this goes, but my new bladder seems to have passed the rebellious and unpredictable stage of youth, and has fallen into line as another hard working organ, doing its part to sustain life. I can't begin to describe how happy this makes me.
I am still having some minor issues with my hernia repair. Trying to lift things like I used to causes setbacks, and am afraid to enter situations that may require abdominal effort. Minor repairs in a vacant rental unit are taking 4 times as long as expected, and I have had to cancel a kayak trip. Going and hoping for the best wouldn’t be fair to the group. Too much too soon, or an imposed change in lifestyle?
In any event, I woke up this morning, and am able to go out and do some useful things. Today it seems so simple, “look on the bright side”, “the glass is half full”. Today, to quote the tee shirt, Life Is Good......
I have just passed my 60th birthday...... officially old. I was gong to say that I don’t feel this old, but that is not really true, I guess it would be more accurate to say that I am surprised to be this old. It seems just yesterday that I was young and tough.... willing and able to do anything. I spent an unusual amount of my time doing dangerous jobs and playing at dangerous hobbies. I had many close calls, some that caused great pain, and some that just made a good story to tell around the campfire. Maybe it is because I have been lucky my whole life, and am surprised when I start to have some of the problems that are expected at this stage of life. I don’t know, maybe everyone feels this way..... however, this is not what I expected.
Another birthday, my neo-bladder is now 1 year old. I am not sure how the time line for this goes, but my new bladder seems to have passed the rebellious and unpredictable stage of youth, and has fallen into line as another hard working organ, doing its part to sustain life. I can't begin to describe how happy this makes me.
I am still having some minor issues with my hernia repair. Trying to lift things like I used to causes setbacks, and am afraid to enter situations that may require abdominal effort. Minor repairs in a vacant rental unit are taking 4 times as long as expected, and I have had to cancel a kayak trip. Going and hoping for the best wouldn’t be fair to the group. Too much too soon, or an imposed change in lifestyle?
In any event, I woke up this morning, and am able to go out and do some useful things. Today it seems so simple, “look on the bright side”, “the glass is half full”. Today, to quote the tee shirt, Life Is Good......
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