Friday, April 29, 2011

April 29, 2011

Ok, It has been too long since I posted here. I try to wait until I feel good to post..... lets just say that I just couldn’t manage to get it done.

I got my drain out a few days before leaving for my annual trip to Pa, to visit my family. I had high hopes of being healed, and able to return to some kind of normal life, but, was disappointed again.

It seems that my body will not accept the repair mesh, and has continued to flood the area with liquid. In this incarnation, the liquid has been encapsulate, and has formed a firm, hand size bulge at the site of the original operation. (Certainly not the place that I would choose to add a couple of inches.) There are pockets of liquid in the area surrounding the bulge. In addition, I have lost feeling in the affected area.

All of that is bearable, and possibly livable. The main problem is..... when I do any lifting, or repetitive movement, the edge of the mesh begins to detach, and causes pain. The more that I do, the more pain I get.

The doctor says that there are two options: learn to live with it, or have the mesh removed. If the mesh is removed, there is always the possibility of another hernia in the now weak abdominal muscle.

Neither of these appeal to me. I can hardly imagine life with such limited activity, and the pain is sometimes not manageable without narcotics. Another operation seems equally untenable, especially one that could result in ongoing problems.

I know that “it could be worse”, and that “am lucky to be alive”, etc. I know that there are people with bigger problems than mine, and that I should learn to accept things as they are. I try to keep things in perspective, but am not having much luck lately.

I feel a bit selfish going on and on about my troubles..... My father passed away at the end of March, and my mom is now without her husband of 62 years.

I am sorry for the dreary post, but hope to do better next time.