Monday, November 30, 2009

November 30, 2009

OK, today is 7 weeks since my surgery, and I am still doing about the same. My wounds are nearly healed, and I can walk with very little pain. My new bladder is working pretty well..... daytime is almost perfect, and nighttime is a bit iffy, but getting better. My sense of humor and cheerful demeanor are still missing in action.

I am still caught in the grasp of an anesthesia hangover. Basically healthy, but tired all of the time.... no energy or endurance. I understand that this is fairly normal, and the only answer is patience. I guess that the good news is that I am on schedule, and things should get better from here.

I attended the “meeting of creditors” last Monday, regarding the RE note that I hold. The debtors counsel made a settlement offer that was not quite good enough, so we are still negotiating. It involves a sale of one house to the debtors’ step son, and it is about 50/50 that the sale is a sham, so I am not getting my hopes up. My next court date is Dec 9..... confirmation hearing, relief from stay hearing, motion to sell RE hearing. Looks like it will be a busy day.

We had our first snow of the year...... Sat. Morning, about 4 inches.... lots of fun. This reminds me that it is time to head south and to a lower elevation, but I think that I will have to wait until I feel better, and I get a better handle on my finances.

I have read this post, and notice that it lacks humor and zip..... lifeless, just information. Sorry.....

Thursday, November 19, 2009

November 19, 2009

Well, Monday will be 6 weeks since my surgery. I am definitely doing better, physically and emotionally. I still have up days and down days, but it seems that there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. This fits into the pattern for this surgery...... 6 weeks to feel better, 6 weeks to one year to feel good.

My new bladder is beginning to work fairly well.... This means that I am starting to have some control over when I pee...... Woo Hoo..... I am recommending that all of you sell your "Depends" stock soon, it is almost certain to take a dive.

This whole situation reminds me that you don’t appreciate something until it is gone. Hopefully, I will emerge from this nightmare with a new appreciation for the simpler things in life..... a kinder, gentler, and more empathetic person. Of course, I might just turn into a mean, angry, bitter old man..... Right now I would put the odds at about 60-40..... LOL

Tuesday, I had to file opposition papers at the bankruptcy court in Santa Anna, a round trip of over 200 miles. It was my most ambitious outing to date, so my friend Carl went with me for company and as a relief driver. I held up remarkably well, so well in fact, that I thought that my endurance had returned. The next day, I spent about 40 minutes pumping out my black water tank, and felt like I had been hit by the swine flue, and run over by a truck. I ended up spending most of the day in bed.

I am anxious to get back to some kind of normal life, but think that it will still be a “good day, bad day” situation for a while. I am, however, very happy that things are heading in the right direction.

Monday, November 9, 2009

November 11, 2009

I am now 4 weeks out from surgery..... Good news..... my legs are starting to work again. I can now walk short distances without the walker. It is slow and moderately painful, but still a welcome improvement.

I am still anxiously awaiting the return of my energy..... as of now, it is a struggle to do anything. I had this same energy problem after my second TURB back in April. I think that it is a part of the anesthesia hangover, and is related to the length of time you are under. For now, I think that the best thing is to just wait it out. I do, however, feel guilty regarding the important things that are awaiting my efforts.

It seems to be time for me to venture out into the world, and I find myself very reluctant. It may take several months to gain some control over my new bladder, and the thought of public embarrassment is overwhelming. The best advice that I have found regarding this messy little problem is to always carry a bottle of drinking water, and pour it over my lap if necessary. Who knew that I would be spending my time learning to walk, and potty training.

People that know, think that this may be the most challenging emotional time for someone in my situation. The drama and trauma are over, the decisions are made, the procedures complete, and I will soon be able to take care of all of my needs. I now begin the slow process of learning to live with my new body parts, and the related limitations. My plan is to be kind and patient with myself, but still do what I can everyday. Do my best to handle problems as they present themselves, and try to get back to normal activities as soon as possible.

There are not words strong enough to express my gratitude to my friends and family. Virtually everyone that I know has gone out of their way to help me during this last year. I still feel humbled and unworthy.....

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

November 3, 2009

Hello to all,
It has been over 3 weeks since my surgery, and I expected to be posting a lighthearted account of my stay in the hospital.... but seem unable to find my sense of humor. In spite of this, I feel obligated to keep everyone up to date.

I am recovering from the surgery on schedule.... by this I mean, the holes in my body are healing up, my new plumbing is beginning to function as expected, and I am feeling a little better week by week. My friends have stepped up and are taking very good care of me, and I expect to get back to my old self in a couple of months.

The good part is that the cancer was confined to the bladder, my pathology report is clear, and it is 95% certain that the cancer is gone. My ongoing treatment will likely just be a cat scan every year. Although life will never be the same as it was, I should be able to live a fairly normal life.

The bad part is, that I am having trouble with my legs, and had to return to the hospital for a couple of days of tests. The doctors have determined that there is nothing life threatening..... blood clots, infections, abscesses, etc. I have very little feeling in the upper thigh area of both legs, and cannot lift either leg to take a step without supporting my weight with my arms..... am now using a walker to get around. The doctors think that this is the result of nerve damage/irritation, and will probably resolve itself with time. I am hoping that they are right, as there does not seem to be a plan B.

Recovery is slower than I expected..... walking 200 ft. is still exhausting, but suppose to get better with time.
I wish that I had a fast forward button.....