Tuesday, September 7, 2010

September 6, 2010

OK, Not much to report....... I am entering the hospital Tues. morning at 9:00 AM to have a hernia repaired. They are planning to embed a piece of “mesh” to bind my abdominal muscles together. I have not researched this process at all, but I am told that it is routine.

I do not expect this to be very complicated, or expect to be in there more than 2-3 days. People do this every day, it is just not a big deal. OK, that is what I think..... What I feel is much different, anxiety is seeping out of every pore, and relaxation is totally out of the question. Logic is apparently unable to override the subconscious that remembers the aftermath of the last time that I did something like this...... The problem, it seems, is that the whole dam thing is so totally counter-intuitive. OK, I know that this is the right thing to do, but once again, it feels like I have signed up for a knife fight.

I am never sure if it is helpful to whine about my “feelings”. It seems that it is not very manly, you know, I should be fearless, bring it on, I can take anything, I’m so tough that nothing bothers me.... In most respects, it is really not useful information regarding my medical condition, however, it is part of the whole experience. I do, however, also feel a duty to others that are following this blog, who are in similar circumstances, who need to know that these things can seem ominous and overwhelming. It may be comforting for them to know that others are fearful and undecided, but still get through it ok.

In any event, Karen will be posting updates on my condition on this blog, and I will be making and accepting phone calls as soon as I can kick the upcoming drug habit.

3 comments:

pdurant said...

It is 10AM here on the east coast so you still have a few hours before entering the operating room.

We'll be praying that the surgery goes smoothly and the speed of your recovery astounds the doctors!

Love you brother. God bless.

Sylvia said...

Thinking of you. Hope your good as new soon. Don't rush things, take time to heal well.

Love and hugs, Sylvia, Tim and kids

Barbara and Ron said...

Ron had that done twice - once time was many years ago - so I guess it is routine by now. However, going in the hospital is soooo frightening, I certainly understand your anxiety. Don't let them give you anything you don't understand what it's for. (Bad grammar, but you know what I mean.) I know you've already had it done by now - hope you're not in too much pain and will feel better very soon.

Hugs!