April 17, 2009

The good news..... My heart is OK. (normal?) I am not sure of the details, but I got that phone call.

More good news, I am happy to report that my energy returned last Friday at 10:00 AM, what a relief, thought it might be gone forever. I guess that it was those drugs that I used on my last trip to Pittsburgh. I am going back to Pittsburgh on Monday, and I fear that I will fall prey to the temptation again.....

My research is yielding a better understanding of the situation, still confused, but better. I find that it is all about the statistics..... Oh yes, there are lots of studies, and lots of statistics.

My cancer is ….. invaded the first layer, but not the muscle, T1, invasive type, high grade G3.

Non muscle invasive bladder cancer = 92% - 98% 5 year survival. Turns out that is for “superficial”, as in not invaded any layer, not high grade. Guess that I was a bit optimistic when I jumped on that number.

20% chance that the cancer was “understaged” (thought to be at a lower stage than it actually is, non muscle invasive Vs muscle invasive)

High risk, non muscle invasive T1, G3, with 70% - 80% involvement of the bladder = 80% - 100% chance of recurrence.

Early removal of the bladder, T1,G3 = 78% survival at 10 years. (Cancer related only)
Deferred removal of the bladder T1,G3 (after failed treatments) 64% survival at 10 years.

Treating my cancer, (0-20% chance of non-recurrence) while trying to save my bladder could cost me 14 percentage points in 10 year survival.

It kind of adds up to a roll of the dice......

It is clear, that this illness has invaded my brain, or at least my thoughts..... I have tried to put it out of my mind, but failed. It may be human nature (kind of a natural selection thing) to think about and be concerned with those things that present the largest threat or reward. I guess that I need to see this as a fact, and accept it as one of those things that I cannot change. My experience with this seems to mirror others in my situation. I am told that the only answer is time.... Well OK, cancer free time.

It occurred to me that all of this doesn't mean that I have to be morose all of the time, do what I need to do about my illness, and then focus on living..... “the best years of my life”....... Really, none of us are assured of living 10 years, or for that matter 10 minuets..... Who knew that I would have to master philosophy as well as medicine and insurance law.

Be careful what you wish for, I always wanted an interesting life.......