June 20, 2011

Here it is, the longest day of the year.... Time goes by in a blur.

I have decided that the abdominal mesh, that was installed to fix my hernia, must be removed. My body, that didn’t mind cancer setting up shop in my bladder, is continuing to fight a winning battle against the mesh that is holding me together. Misplaced priorities for sure.

My conversation with the surgeon gave me no new information, but did re-enforce what I already knew. (I had spent much time reading the accounts of people with the same problem)

Without the mesh, there is a danger of another hernia. For those of you that don’t know, a hernia is a separation of the body wall/muscle. This condition causes your internal organs to push out due to gravity, or under any strain on the abdominal muscles.

This is bad enough for someone with normal plumbing, but ads an extra degree of difficulty for someone like me. First, my bladder is not a muscle, and urination is only possible by contraction of the abdominal muscles... picture the effort required to overcome moderate constipation. Second, my bladder does not shrink like a balloon as urine is voided, it just deflates like an empty plastic bag.

For these reasons, it is necessary for my abdominal muscles to work properly, and for my abdominal organs to remain carefully contained in proper order. If my neo-bladder becomes displaced or distended, it could mean a lifetime of catheters, or worse.

The punch line to all of this is..... after the removal of the mesh, there is no way to gauge the amount of strain that my abdominal muscles will stand with out another rupture. It will be OK until it isn’t, and.... there is no good fix if there is another hernia.....

I guess that I have been a bit spoiled in my expectations, It is hard to believe that they could fix the deadly cancer that was trying to kill me, and are now stumped with a little problem of a hernia.

I have had trouble with authority my whole life. I was never OK with someone telling me “NO”. Now, my body is in charge of what I can do, and what I can’t do. There is no way to run away from this strict master.

The bad part of this is obvious..... the good part is that I am currently cancer free, and still here to bitch about things that are less than perfect.