I made it back to Frazier Park, and it is good to be back in familiar territory..... I expected to be happily writing humorous stories about the trip west, but I can't seem to do it. All is not lost however, Claudia has documented the trip very well. Check out her blog..... “Black dogs house on wheels”.
I have spent a couple of days doing chores and taking stock of my business interests. There is so much to do, and so many decisions to make. Yup, stress is attacking me from all angles, and the wolves are still circling.
My next appointment is about 4 weeks away, and anticipatory anxiety seems to have found a spot in the back of my brain. Knowing that stress is bad for me seems to cause more stress..... Anyway,I am trying to put off as many decisions as possible until after I find out if the BCG treatments were successful. I have never been comfortable making decisions with incomplete information, and now there are so many “unknowns” in the equations that there are no reasonable solutions. As of now, I am unable to form a plan that makes sense..... very disturbing.
The question of the day....... Should I be faithful, and go back to UPMC for the scheduled “poke and peek”, or start a new relationship with the pros at USC Norris?.... (One of the top bladder cancer centers in the country.) There is a lot to be said for each of these choices. I already have an intimate relationship with the folks at UPMC.... no “first time” jitters there, and they already know what to expect in my bladder. I would kind of hate to break up with them. USC Norris however, is very attractive, and available. A classic dilemma. There is also the insurance issue, Health Net would like to hook me up with USC Norris (in my network), and is still unhappy with my affair with UPMC, and is still refusing to pay...... about $64,000 at this point.
My advice, read the fine print, all of it.... and maybe record all conversations with the insurance people...... they seem to have a very short memory. You are really not in the “good hands”.
Sorry about the complaining nature of this post, but after several attempts, this is what happens when I start typing.
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As most of you know, I have been diagnosed with bladder cancer. This blog is for information regarding my medical, and possibly my emotional, condition. Any entertainment value will be strictly accidental. I hope it will reduce the number of times that I will have to tell the same story, and will eliminate the need for me to remember who knows what.
5 comments:
Ya know Im the same way...when I have a delima hanging over me, I find it hard to be humorous and hard to think of other things...its like a road block and until I find a way around it, Im stuck in that place. Each of us has our road blocks to move...mine is finding a way to a free life syle with no tied down job...SO Far its still a big issue, but being stuck behind this roadblock makes me think of SO MANY ways out and around! I hope you get your issue settled soon and it brings your mind back to a peacful place.
Thanks for the comment..... I can't seem to place you, but I am old and my memory is failing..... Help me out.
Hey, John, your blog is very interesting and honest. Contrary to what I wish, we can't always be up. Good luck with your results - I hope everything looks good. When I have a big decision to make, I just let all the facts twirl around in my head and eventually the answer just pops out of my mouth. Sorry, I don't mean to be flippant, it's a huge decision, but I think I would lean toward USC Norris because of the insurance problem if nothing else.
Hugs,
Barbara
John, I agree with Barbara. I think I would lean towards USC Norris because there may be less stress in not having to travel back and forth between FP and Pittsburg. Also, new relationships can be rewarding..
LOL. I think I would check with UPMC to see if USC Norris would do the followup. A second pair of eyes looking may be worthwhile and then you wouldn't have to return to Pittsburg.
Hugs,
cj
Thanks for the comments, it is nice to know that people actually read this attempt at a blog..... and, flippancy is greatly encouraged, I believe that humor is an important part of getting well, both physically, and emotionally.
I have decided to go with USC Norris, and did inform UPMC..... OK, it was a phone call, really no way to do it in person. I wish them all of the best. LOL
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