June 1, 2009

Since starting this blog, I have been encouraged by many to “become a writer”. I don't want to take these compliments to literally, but my mind plays with the idea, and it has been a definite trend. My theory that prolific writers often suffer from chronic social deficiencies, and alcoholism is contradicted by my most recent experience. I have had a few days filled with bad news, interesting activities, pleasant social interaction, and sobriety, and still have an irresistible urge to write a blog piece. Mysteries abound.

I got a call from Dr. Campbell at the Cleveland Clinic last Fri, and found that my chance of a cure has been reduced yet again. My urinalysis showed signs of active cancer..... another nail in my bladders coffin. From my original diagnosis in Feb, my odds of being a long term bladder owner have gone from 0% to 50% to 35% to 20% to “less than 20%”. Horrified at the prospects, and paralyzed by fear once again.

Fast forward to Saturday, my BIL Tim found himself up against a deadline in a renovation project..... tenants needing to move in, and the house not ready. He has done huge favors for me, so it would make sense to ask me for help, after all, I am a professional. OK, that didn't happen. In an apparent break from his professions ethics, he displays remarkable compassion and selflessness. Some things are incomprehensible. I became aware of the situation and was able to help a bit. I am finding that my self centered approach may be counter productive, and that I felt better while painting the inside of closets..... maybe Tim has already discovered this phenomenon. BTW The tenants will be spending a free week in the normally expensive rental cabin.

With the tenant problem solved, my nephew Luke and I seized the day, well ok, we seized Sun. afternoon, and kayaked down the Susquehanna River. I feel a little guilty introducing him to a possible addiction, but better that family does it instead of a stranger. (Long boring trip description omitted) Beautiful day, beautiful river, blue heron, buzzards, Pa. wild mountain ferret, bald eagle being attacked by a smaller bird, thin water, encounters with predatory rocks, and a fine meal at the world famous 100 lb. Burger joint.





The river trip would have been great by itself, but what made it exceptional was a conversation of the most elusive type. Diverging beliefs, theories and opinions, regarding religion, social order, nature, joy, fear, anxiety, contentment, and morals, exchanged at a low decibel level, with no need for a winner or a loser. 24 year old Luke offered a defined, educated and well crafted view of the world, and I contributed an experienced and thoughtful but far less organized picture. No conclusions emerged, but Luke, wise beyond his years, offered me this, “if you don't fear death, close decisions don't much matter”..... I find some comfort in that, and noticed that I may fear “making a mistake” more than I fear death. Now that is disturbing.

Just an aside..... lately I have been meeting cancer survivors everywhere I go, I don't run around seeking this, but when people tell me their story, I tell them mine. At the kayak rental place, I met man who survived cancer, and a dog with bladder cancer who wagged his tail and gave me a friendly greeting. Knowing what I know about how he must feel, I was inspired by his attitude.

The day was capped off with a what I would call serendipitous, and Luke might call divine, gift. We launched the kayaks from Elliott's Park, (BTW Elliott is a dog, see photo of park sign) a privately owned and maintained, public welcome, park in Clearfield.


While retrieving my car at the park, I noticed a proprietary looking couple removing a barrier from a new patch of grass. Taking a page from Randy, (Mobile Kodgers author) who declares that we are surrounded by interesting stories if we just choose to look. I decided to get the story.... John and Carol own the park, and had just returned from canoe trip down the river. John has recovered from throat cancer and just celebrated his 5 year survivor anniversary. He is hosting a Livestrong (a Lance Armstrong organization) event here later this year, and gave me a yellow Livestrong bracelet to wear. He started to work on the park as a recovery activity, only able to work on it one hour at a time at first, and now seems vibrant and full of life. Quite an example for guys like me!