Well..... It is time for a report, and I will do my best even though there is an extreme lack of motivation.
Happy first day of summer..... longest day of the year.....
It has been two weeks since the doctors at USC took a stab at fixing my shoulder.... OK, it was 5 stabs as evidenced by the 5 small wounds that surround my shoulder. Arthroscopic surgery... some very cool stuff..... if you are interested, you can check it out on u tube. The lack of a large incision certainly makes the recovery process easier, which, of course, is always welcome.
Apparently, my shoulder was worse in fact than the MRI indicated. The torn tendon was more severe than expected, and the joint itself had suffered from the 55+ years of construction work, and more than a few incidents with motorcycles, high school sports, horses, etc......
In any event, the torn tendon was reattached by placing 2 anchors into the bone, and the mating surfaces of the bones were shaved down to provide pain free interaction. Physical therapy begins today, and time will tell if their efforts were successful.
I must say that I have a new appreciation for the amount of pain that bones can produce. For the first 3 days following surgery, I was lucky to have a device, about the size of a large grapefruit, that delivered happy juice to the nerve that transmits pain from the shoulder. Other than a hand that felt half asleep for a few days, the device worked perfectly. No pain for the first 3 days. Then..... the thing stopped working.... of course, I took it apart, and determined that the machine was working properly, but the end in my shoulder must have become plugged. OK, no problem, I had pain pills. Eating pain pills like they were popcorn didn’t make the pain go away, but did take the edge off, and put me into a mental state where I didn’t care that it hurt. I now only use the pills occasionally at night.
4 more weeks with the arm in a sling, ok to use the hand and lower arm, but not the shoulder. Very awkward and unhandy. Some things that I have done with my right hand for about 60 years, are difficult to do with my left hand...... no details here, but you can imagine.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Friday, June 8, 2012
June 8, 2012
Hi all, typing with one hand, I will keep it short. Surgery went well and I have an appointment with the Doc next Thursday. Living life as an awkward left hander on drugs.... expect that it will bring out my degenerate artistic side. More another day.....
Thursday, May 31, 2012
May 31, 2012
Hello all,
Under the category "Motorhome" ..... The answer is "rebuilt transmission, new water heater, electronic switch panel for leveling jacks, new starter, and as yet to be determined electrical repair". The question is....... "What does a motor home demand after 3 years of neglect". Karen and I had a couple of nice, short trips this past month. We spent a weekend with the Elks Lodge camping club, and a week exploring Yosemite. The mechanical problems were annoying, but it was still a good time, and it was good to see a different view for a while.
I have rescheduled my shoulder surgery for June 6, at 11:00 am. This is routine stuff for the pros at USC, and I don't expect anything exciting to take place. My arm will be in a sling for about 6 weeks, and I will have limited use for several months thereafter. I sincerely hope that reports of the aftermath by family and friends are greatly exaggerated. In any event, I have a long list of chores that can be done with one arm..... mostly 3 years of catching up on paper work. I really mean it this time...LOL
I may, once again, enter the legal arena. A property next to one of my rentals has a failed retaining wall and fence that are falling into/onto my property. Probably a $10,000 to $15,000 problem. The property is now owned by Bank of America. The previous owner kept promising to get it fixed, but..... I guess that she knew she would be out of there soon, so why bother. I don't think that B of A will fix it with out a fight. Anyway, it has the makings of an interesting contest, after all, banks have always made demands on me, and it will feel good sending them a demand letter.
I will be staying with Karen for a while after the surgery, but will have my phone and computer available.
Under the category "Motorhome" ..... The answer is "rebuilt transmission, new water heater, electronic switch panel for leveling jacks, new starter, and as yet to be determined electrical repair". The question is....... "What does a motor home demand after 3 years of neglect". Karen and I had a couple of nice, short trips this past month. We spent a weekend with the Elks Lodge camping club, and a week exploring Yosemite. The mechanical problems were annoying, but it was still a good time, and it was good to see a different view for a while.
I have rescheduled my shoulder surgery for June 6, at 11:00 am. This is routine stuff for the pros at USC, and I don't expect anything exciting to take place. My arm will be in a sling for about 6 weeks, and I will have limited use for several months thereafter. I sincerely hope that reports of the aftermath by family and friends are greatly exaggerated. In any event, I have a long list of chores that can be done with one arm..... mostly 3 years of catching up on paper work. I really mean it this time...LOL
I may, once again, enter the legal arena. A property next to one of my rentals has a failed retaining wall and fence that are falling into/onto my property. Probably a $10,000 to $15,000 problem. The property is now owned by Bank of America. The previous owner kept promising to get it fixed, but..... I guess that she knew she would be out of there soon, so why bother. I don't think that B of A will fix it with out a fight. Anyway, it has the makings of an interesting contest, after all, banks have always made demands on me, and it will feel good sending them a demand letter.
I will be staying with Karen for a while after the surgery, but will have my phone and computer available.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Hi all, and happy May Day,
It has been a while, and to tell the truth, there has not been much to report. This blog was created to keep family and friends up to date on my life threatening medical issues, so I guess that having nothing to report is a good thing. Anyway, here are some of the highlights of the last 4 months.
The new rental house has been fixed, painted, and rented out..... This completes the project that started with the sale of my Lockwood Valley property last Sept.
My financial situation now appears to be in order..... OK, more in order than it was..... I am trying to live on a budget, but it doesn’t seem to be my strong point. I have always worked hard, lived cheap, and not worried too much about money. There have been a few bumps in the road, but mostly I had enough to get by.
While camping last November, I fell and hurt my shoulder. It turned out to be a torn rotator cuff..... several trips to the doctor, an x-ray and an MRI, 2 months of physical therapy, a shot of cortisone, and anti inflammatory drugs...... The cuff is still torn, apparently these things do not ever heal by themselves.
My choices are to live with the problem, and accept a limited use of my right arm, or get it fixed, and be out of commission for a few months. My brother Jim had this surgery last year, and said that the recovery was long and painful. I expect that I am a bit tougher than him, and probably won’t have any problem...... LOL
They can do a arthroscopic surgery to fix the tear, and I should be “good as new” in 4-6 months. I have tentatively scheduled the surgery for June 4. I always have plans to get all of my life in order before a surgery, and I really do try..... but.... it never seems to work out.
Outside of these events, life has been normal and unexciting..... that is really not so bad after the last 3 years of high drama. I really don’t have a plan from here, and am finding that somewhat disturbing. These last few years I have been struggling to stay alive and solvent, and not spent any time considering life after illness. I suppose that most folks run into this issue as their “Golden Years” approach.
It has been a while, and to tell the truth, there has not been much to report. This blog was created to keep family and friends up to date on my life threatening medical issues, so I guess that having nothing to report is a good thing. Anyway, here are some of the highlights of the last 4 months.
The new rental house has been fixed, painted, and rented out..... This completes the project that started with the sale of my Lockwood Valley property last Sept.
My financial situation now appears to be in order..... OK, more in order than it was..... I am trying to live on a budget, but it doesn’t seem to be my strong point. I have always worked hard, lived cheap, and not worried too much about money. There have been a few bumps in the road, but mostly I had enough to get by.
While camping last November, I fell and hurt my shoulder. It turned out to be a torn rotator cuff..... several trips to the doctor, an x-ray and an MRI, 2 months of physical therapy, a shot of cortisone, and anti inflammatory drugs...... The cuff is still torn, apparently these things do not ever heal by themselves.
My choices are to live with the problem, and accept a limited use of my right arm, or get it fixed, and be out of commission for a few months. My brother Jim had this surgery last year, and said that the recovery was long and painful. I expect that I am a bit tougher than him, and probably won’t have any problem...... LOL
They can do a arthroscopic surgery to fix the tear, and I should be “good as new” in 4-6 months. I have tentatively scheduled the surgery for June 4. I always have plans to get all of my life in order before a surgery, and I really do try..... but.... it never seems to work out.
Outside of these events, life has been normal and unexciting..... that is really not so bad after the last 3 years of high drama. I really don’t have a plan from here, and am finding that somewhat disturbing. These last few years I have been struggling to stay alive and solvent, and not spent any time considering life after illness. I suppose that most folks run into this issue as their “Golden Years” approach.
Monday, December 26, 2011
December 26, 2011
It has been a while since my last post, but I was waiting for the results of my yearly cancer scan on Dec. 20 ......... All clear, no signs of cancer. What a relief. For those of you who haven’t ever had any issues like this, it may seem like a small thing, but for me, it is huge. The longer you go without cancer returning, the better chance you have that it never returns. I always have “high anxiety” leading up to doctors appointments, but these yearly scans feel like a very real session of russian roulette.
Another bit of good news..... My insurance company, you remember Health Net don’t you, has finally paid UPMC for my surgeries back in the spring of 2009. This was not just “the insurance company doing the right thing”, but is what happened after my attorney threatened to start arbitration proceedings. (They paid my attorney as well,) I signed a non disclosure agreement, and am not sure exactly what I can say, but I am pretty sure that I can report things that happen regarding my health care bills........... My credit report should show that the “collection account” has been paid, however, it doesn’t go away, and will still reflect negatively on my score.
Speaking of credit scores, I wish mine was better.....
I was able to buy another rental house last month, and am now doing all of the normal clean up, fix up stuff that foreclosed houses need. The rent from this house will nearly fix my monthly cash flow problem.
I would buy many..... except, I am out of money, and no longer qualify for financing.
Enough with the whining..... It has been a long 3 years, but things are going very well, and life seems to be returning to some kind of normal.
Wishing all of you a great holiday season, and the best in 2012.
Another bit of good news..... My insurance company, you remember Health Net don’t you, has finally paid UPMC for my surgeries back in the spring of 2009. This was not just “the insurance company doing the right thing”, but is what happened after my attorney threatened to start arbitration proceedings. (They paid my attorney as well,) I signed a non disclosure agreement, and am not sure exactly what I can say, but I am pretty sure that I can report things that happen regarding my health care bills........... My credit report should show that the “collection account” has been paid, however, it doesn’t go away, and will still reflect negatively on my score.
Speaking of credit scores, I wish mine was better.....
I was able to buy another rental house last month, and am now doing all of the normal clean up, fix up stuff that foreclosed houses need. The rent from this house will nearly fix my monthly cash flow problem.
I would buy many..... except, I am out of money, and no longer qualify for financing.
Enough with the whining..... It has been a long 3 years, but things are going very well, and life seems to be returning to some kind of normal.
Wishing all of you a great holiday season, and the best in 2012.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
October 11, 2011
Wednesday the 12th is the 2 year anniversary of my neo bladder. My, how time flies. I have to say that it is working as well as can be expected.... not as good as the original equipment, but much better than the alternative.
I am mostly healed from the last surgery, but there is still a large pocket of fluid that needs to be dealt with. I made several attempts to drain the fluid, but didn’t have much success. The doc may have better tools, but it may be something that I have to live with.
This post is full of “good news”, bad news” stories, so don’t get depressed during the “bad news” parts.
At the end of August, I could no longer afford my medical insurance... I needed to go 6 months without insurance to qualify for the affordable, federal, “high risk” insurance pool, and it seemed like a good time to start the clock ticking. Uninsured, scary, but necessary.
I was also falling behind in my finances.... too many bills, not enough income, credit cards nearing their limits. SSDI had denied my disability claim again, and estimated 12 -18 months for a hearing date. Despondent and depressed.....
Then.....as if by magic, a buyer materialized for a property that I had owned for over 20 years. 2 ½ acres “out in the country”.... a place where I lived, off and on (mostly during domestic reorganizations) in the motor home, and a place for many parties and BBQ’s. A lovely place, paid for, but not income producing. The RE market around here is at a 20 year low. I was sad to sell, but happy for the little bit of money that the sale created. BUT WAIT, THERE IS MORE..... this is probably the only time in recent history that the money from the sale of this property, is enough to buy a modest rental house. More income, a very good thing.
The sale closed on Friday, Sept. 30, what a relief... doing a small but sincere happy dance. I could now pay some bills, and stop worrying for a bit.
Monday afternoon, in the mail, from SSDI..... YOUR CLAIM HAS BEEN APPROVED. Based on a letter from my doctor, they decided, without a hearing, that I would not be able to do construction work, and my skills would not qualify me for a sedentary job. So, I get a trickle of money, (most of my income for the last 20 years has been Capital Gains, not Earned Income), and Medicare..... I can now afford to be sick again... Woo Hoo...
I also get back payments from August 2009. After paying the attorney, there will still be enough to get caught up, and have a bit for a rainy day fund.
There were so many times that I felt like giving up, I cannot describe the relief.
I pondered whether to include my financial information in this blog, and decided that financial and emotional issues are a huge part of my “cancer” story, and needed to be included.
I am mostly healed from the last surgery, but there is still a large pocket of fluid that needs to be dealt with. I made several attempts to drain the fluid, but didn’t have much success. The doc may have better tools, but it may be something that I have to live with.
This post is full of “good news”, bad news” stories, so don’t get depressed during the “bad news” parts.
At the end of August, I could no longer afford my medical insurance... I needed to go 6 months without insurance to qualify for the affordable, federal, “high risk” insurance pool, and it seemed like a good time to start the clock ticking. Uninsured, scary, but necessary.
I was also falling behind in my finances.... too many bills, not enough income, credit cards nearing their limits. SSDI had denied my disability claim again, and estimated 12 -18 months for a hearing date. Despondent and depressed.....
Then.....as if by magic, a buyer materialized for a property that I had owned for over 20 years. 2 ½ acres “out in the country”.... a place where I lived, off and on (mostly during domestic reorganizations) in the motor home, and a place for many parties and BBQ’s. A lovely place, paid for, but not income producing. The RE market around here is at a 20 year low. I was sad to sell, but happy for the little bit of money that the sale created. BUT WAIT, THERE IS MORE..... this is probably the only time in recent history that the money from the sale of this property, is enough to buy a modest rental house. More income, a very good thing.
The sale closed on Friday, Sept. 30, what a relief... doing a small but sincere happy dance. I could now pay some bills, and stop worrying for a bit.
Monday afternoon, in the mail, from SSDI..... YOUR CLAIM HAS BEEN APPROVED. Based on a letter from my doctor, they decided, without a hearing, that I would not be able to do construction work, and my skills would not qualify me for a sedentary job. So, I get a trickle of money, (most of my income for the last 20 years has been Capital Gains, not Earned Income), and Medicare..... I can now afford to be sick again... Woo Hoo...
I also get back payments from August 2009. After paying the attorney, there will still be enough to get caught up, and have a bit for a rainy day fund.
There were so many times that I felt like giving up, I cannot describe the relief.
I pondered whether to include my financial information in this blog, and decided that financial and emotional issues are a huge part of my “cancer” story, and needed to be included.
Friday, August 26, 2011
August 26, 2011
Hi all,
Sorry for the long space between posts, but I wanted to wait until I felt a bit optimistic.
I am now finished with the 2nd phase of any major medical event.... the aftermath. It is when the excitement is over, and the dust has settled.... nothing to see here folks, move along.... The anxiety and apprehension are gone, and I am left with pain, drugs, tubes, drains, staples, limited activity, etc..... This has happened after every surgery, so it is no big surprise, but still was annoying, and a bit debilitating.
I woke up Monday morning with just a little energy, and have been feeling a little better each day. I can’t describe how good it feels to wake up feeling something beside doom and gloom. When trapped in that mind set, it seems that there will never be a light at the end of the tunnel, and that life will never be anything but a never ending struggle to survive.
I have been averaging 2-3 surgeries per year, and each of them sets off a couple of months of “no energy to do anything but the absolutely necessary”. Each time, when I start feeling better, I am faced with a stack of undone chores, that take several months to get through.
Don’t want to spend too much time complaining, but definitely a sisyphean situation. In this situation, self employment is a curse. My financial situation begs me to be optimistic, innovative, energetic, and decisive, and suffers when I fail to live up to those ideals.
On the medical front, I have seen my doctor 3 times since the surgery on July 8, and am now happily tubeless. I am restricted, for ever, to lifting no more than 20 lbs, and only that if it doesn’t hurt. I am pleased to find out, according to SSDI, that this is not the least bit disabling.
Anyway, I hope that I have turned the corner on medical issues, and can focus on living life.
Ideas for my first book....“YOU MIGHT BE OLD AND SICK IF”
You look at health care options on the internet instead of porn.
You are a stranger at the bar, but the girls at the pharmacy know your name, phone number, and date of birth.
Your friends avoid asking “how are you doing”.
Sorry for the long space between posts, but I wanted to wait until I felt a bit optimistic.
I am now finished with the 2nd phase of any major medical event.... the aftermath. It is when the excitement is over, and the dust has settled.... nothing to see here folks, move along.... The anxiety and apprehension are gone, and I am left with pain, drugs, tubes, drains, staples, limited activity, etc..... This has happened after every surgery, so it is no big surprise, but still was annoying, and a bit debilitating.
I woke up Monday morning with just a little energy, and have been feeling a little better each day. I can’t describe how good it feels to wake up feeling something beside doom and gloom. When trapped in that mind set, it seems that there will never be a light at the end of the tunnel, and that life will never be anything but a never ending struggle to survive.
I have been averaging 2-3 surgeries per year, and each of them sets off a couple of months of “no energy to do anything but the absolutely necessary”. Each time, when I start feeling better, I am faced with a stack of undone chores, that take several months to get through.
Don’t want to spend too much time complaining, but definitely a sisyphean situation. In this situation, self employment is a curse. My financial situation begs me to be optimistic, innovative, energetic, and decisive, and suffers when I fail to live up to those ideals.
On the medical front, I have seen my doctor 3 times since the surgery on July 8, and am now happily tubeless. I am restricted, for ever, to lifting no more than 20 lbs, and only that if it doesn’t hurt. I am pleased to find out, according to SSDI, that this is not the least bit disabling.
Anyway, I hope that I have turned the corner on medical issues, and can focus on living life.
Ideas for my first book....“YOU MIGHT BE OLD AND SICK IF”
You look at health care options on the internet instead of porn.
You are a stranger at the bar, but the girls at the pharmacy know your name, phone number, and date of birth.
Your friends avoid asking “how are you doing”.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
July 13, 2011
Hello all, I have once again survived the much maligned american health care system, and would like to report that they did an outstanding job of caring for me. Actually, I don’t think that it is a question of “quality of care”, but who pays for the care that is at issue. I had a 3 ½ hour surgery to remove the hernia repair mesh that was installed in Sept. Of 2010. Apparently the surgery was uneventful, and the mesh was removed.
This s procedure was not done by my cancer surgeon, but by another surgeon on his team. I am guessing that this is covered by the “medical acts” by “others” clause in the paperwork. I really don’t have any problem with this as this was fairly routine, and to have the specialists do this, would be a misuse of talent. I did know this other Dr, and had a lot of confidence in him.
Maybe because of personal choice, or perhaps some compelling medical reason, but instead of hidden, disappearing stitches, I now have 35 stainless steel staples holding me together. It should make for an interesting, frankensteinening type scar. I also have 2 drain tubes attached to 2 grenade looking reservoirs. I hope to have the staples and drains removed next Wed. at my follow up dr. appointment.
My body had a severe adverse reaction to the mesh, had built a “orange peel” like shell around it, and had continued to flood the area with fluid. The new information discovered is, that my body wall beneath the mesh had never healed, and there was still a large hernia present.
The surgeon closed the hernia by stitching my abdominal muscles (body wall) together with material that will not dissolve, but will remain in place. The hope is that things will heal, and I will remain hernia free.
That was the good news.... the bad news is... I was admonished by the doctors to not lift anything over 5 pounds for the next 6-8 weeks, and never, ever again lift anything heavy. (For those that are metrically challenged... a gallon of milk weighs 8 pounds, and bowling is out of the question) He suggested a “weight lifters” belt might be of some benefit.
The connection between my abdominal muscles is very fragile, and will never improve. I asked about my options if I were to lift too much and cause another hernia.... and the Doc said..... DO NOT DO THAT, THERE ARE NO GOOD OPTIONS.
I am trying to adjust to the reality of being an invalid that doesn’t look like an invalid. How do I present myself to the world, looking healthy, and still asking others to carry my groceries. My friend Carl, suggested that, to make the picture make sense, that I put a 2 inch lift in one shoe, get a cane, and walk with a limp.....
I am not happy with my “new normal” but am still happy to be alive, and would make the same decisions again if given the chance. At least for now, I am trying to go with the “glass is half full” approach.
Once again, I am thankful and humbled by the response of my family and friends. I am particularly indebted to Karen, who did all of the necessary, un-fun things required to get me through this event.
This s procedure was not done by my cancer surgeon, but by another surgeon on his team. I am guessing that this is covered by the “medical acts” by “others” clause in the paperwork. I really don’t have any problem with this as this was fairly routine, and to have the specialists do this, would be a misuse of talent. I did know this other Dr, and had a lot of confidence in him.
Maybe because of personal choice, or perhaps some compelling medical reason, but instead of hidden, disappearing stitches, I now have 35 stainless steel staples holding me together. It should make for an interesting, frankensteinening type scar. I also have 2 drain tubes attached to 2 grenade looking reservoirs. I hope to have the staples and drains removed next Wed. at my follow up dr. appointment.
My body had a severe adverse reaction to the mesh, had built a “orange peel” like shell around it, and had continued to flood the area with fluid. The new information discovered is, that my body wall beneath the mesh had never healed, and there was still a large hernia present.
The surgeon closed the hernia by stitching my abdominal muscles (body wall) together with material that will not dissolve, but will remain in place. The hope is that things will heal, and I will remain hernia free.
That was the good news.... the bad news is... I was admonished by the doctors to not lift anything over 5 pounds for the next 6-8 weeks, and never, ever again lift anything heavy. (For those that are metrically challenged... a gallon of milk weighs 8 pounds, and bowling is out of the question) He suggested a “weight lifters” belt might be of some benefit.
The connection between my abdominal muscles is very fragile, and will never improve. I asked about my options if I were to lift too much and cause another hernia.... and the Doc said..... DO NOT DO THAT, THERE ARE NO GOOD OPTIONS.
I am trying to adjust to the reality of being an invalid that doesn’t look like an invalid. How do I present myself to the world, looking healthy, and still asking others to carry my groceries. My friend Carl, suggested that, to make the picture make sense, that I put a 2 inch lift in one shoe, get a cane, and walk with a limp.....
I am not happy with my “new normal” but am still happy to be alive, and would make the same decisions again if given the chance. At least for now, I am trying to go with the “glass is half full” approach.
Once again, I am thankful and humbled by the response of my family and friends. I am particularly indebted to Karen, who did all of the necessary, un-fun things required to get me through this event.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
June 22, 2011
The countdown has begun..... Fri. July 8, 2011, I am having surgery to remove the hernia repair mesh. From an anxiety standpoint, I am glad that it is happening so soon, however, I have at least 4 weeks worth of things to get done between now and then. I hope that the time will go quickly, and that life can get back to some kind of normal soon.
Monday, June 20, 2011
June 20, 2011
Here it is, the longest day of the year.... Time goes by in a blur.
I have decided that the abdominal mesh, that was installed to fix my hernia, must be removed. My body, that didn’t mind cancer setting up shop in my bladder, is continuing to fight a winning battle against the mesh that is holding me together. Misplaced priorities for sure.
My conversation with the surgeon gave me no new information, but did re-enforce what I already knew. (I had spent much time reading the accounts of people with the same problem)
Without the mesh, there is a danger of another hernia. For those of you that don’t know, a hernia is a separation of the body wall/muscle. This condition causes your internal organs to push out due to gravity, or under any strain on the abdominal muscles.
This is bad enough for someone with normal plumbing, but ads an extra degree of difficulty for someone like me. First, my bladder is not a muscle, and urination is only possible by contraction of the abdominal muscles... picture the effort required to overcome moderate constipation. Second, my bladder does not shrink like a balloon as urine is voided, it just deflates like an empty plastic bag.
For these reasons, it is necessary for my abdominal muscles to work properly, and for my abdominal organs to remain carefully contained in proper order. If my neo-bladder becomes displaced or distended, it could mean a lifetime of catheters, or worse.
The punch line to all of this is..... after the removal of the mesh, there is no way to gauge the amount of strain that my abdominal muscles will stand with out another rupture. It will be OK until it isn’t, and.... there is no good fix if there is another hernia.....
I guess that I have been a bit spoiled in my expectations, It is hard to believe that they could fix the deadly cancer that was trying to kill me, and are now stumped with a little problem of a hernia.
I have had trouble with authority my whole life. I was never OK with someone telling me “NO”. Now, my body is in charge of what I can do, and what I can’t do. There is no way to run away from this strict master.
The bad part of this is obvious..... the good part is that I am currently cancer free, and still here to bitch about things that are less than perfect.
I have decided that the abdominal mesh, that was installed to fix my hernia, must be removed. My body, that didn’t mind cancer setting up shop in my bladder, is continuing to fight a winning battle against the mesh that is holding me together. Misplaced priorities for sure.
My conversation with the surgeon gave me no new information, but did re-enforce what I already knew. (I had spent much time reading the accounts of people with the same problem)
Without the mesh, there is a danger of another hernia. For those of you that don’t know, a hernia is a separation of the body wall/muscle. This condition causes your internal organs to push out due to gravity, or under any strain on the abdominal muscles.
This is bad enough for someone with normal plumbing, but ads an extra degree of difficulty for someone like me. First, my bladder is not a muscle, and urination is only possible by contraction of the abdominal muscles... picture the effort required to overcome moderate constipation. Second, my bladder does not shrink like a balloon as urine is voided, it just deflates like an empty plastic bag.
For these reasons, it is necessary for my abdominal muscles to work properly, and for my abdominal organs to remain carefully contained in proper order. If my neo-bladder becomes displaced or distended, it could mean a lifetime of catheters, or worse.
The punch line to all of this is..... after the removal of the mesh, there is no way to gauge the amount of strain that my abdominal muscles will stand with out another rupture. It will be OK until it isn’t, and.... there is no good fix if there is another hernia.....
I guess that I have been a bit spoiled in my expectations, It is hard to believe that they could fix the deadly cancer that was trying to kill me, and are now stumped with a little problem of a hernia.
I have had trouble with authority my whole life. I was never OK with someone telling me “NO”. Now, my body is in charge of what I can do, and what I can’t do. There is no way to run away from this strict master.
The bad part of this is obvious..... the good part is that I am currently cancer free, and still here to bitch about things that are less than perfect.
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